This is currently an unknown blog, and i'm selfishly using it more for myself than for anyone else. However, if you stumbled on this despite my terrible tags, Welcome! If we know you and still found this, nothing is official and there is nothing newsworthy to share. If there were, you'd know about it! However, i'm hoping one day this blog may be of use to someone, or to at least myself.
Here are a handful of questions no one has actually asked, but I bet they're curious about:
Why are you doing this if you aren't ready to share it?
I've been knee deep in reading adoption blogs lately. It's something we're very much considering, and I love reading other peoples journeys. Every single blog you read starts with people putting in their papers for adoption. What I want to know is what lead them to it. The trial and rewards that come with making such huge life changing decisions. Did people decide to do it because of infertility, or because they felt it was right? How did they pick the country? Was it hard to actually press the "go" button? All of these questions that we're currently working through. You know the saying, "misery loves company?" Well in this case the confused love to know that others are confused too. I'm hoping one day, if someone else is in the same spot and they are into excessively googling like me, this little blog could be helpful to them. We aren't currently shouting it from the rooftops, because things AREN'T official. We don't know what way we're going, and we don't want to get anyone's hopes up.
What are your Infertility Problems?
Oh, so you want to jump strait into things? wait, i'm the one asking these questions.
We don't really know what the problem is. We went two years of "not trying, but not stopping," a year of "lets get down to business," followed by a confused doctor, a full hysteroscopy d&c, and the conclusion "lets put you on birth control for a year to see if it balances your system out." We've now been scientifically trying for almost another year, and still nothing. I do have Celiac Disease, which according to Celiac.org it is:
Celiac disease is a serious autoimmune disorder that can occur in genetically predisposed people where the ingestion of gluten leads to damage in the small intestine. It is estimated to affect 1 in 100 people worldwide. Two and one-half million Americans are undiagnosed and are at risk for long-term health complications.
I was diagnosed at 18, and because of this spent most of my life unable to gain nutrition from food, and severely malnourished. at the time of my diagnosis, I was 5'10" and under 105 lbs. Essentially my doctor has said that when you don't get the proper nutrition, especially when going through maturity, your reproductive system often doesn't form properly. Although you can seem completely healthy on test after test, your body just doesn't work right.
Why adoption before exhausting all your infertility resources?
Well, first things first, infertility care is expensive. My insurance will cover nothing until i'm at least 35. If we do peruse the adoption route, we are in no way giving up on having biological children. There seems to be this stigma that going to adoption means the end of trying. For us, that's not the case. We are ready to be parents and welcome a child into our home. Infertility care can takes years and years before it even works. We'd rather move that timeline up, and help a child in need in the process.
In addition Cory had a unique growing up experience. He spend a lot of time at friends houses, and thanks to a lot of loving families, even lived with them for a good part of his teenage and young adult years. From the time we started dating, he would warn me, "one day I know we'll take someone else's child into our home." We always just assumed this meant a friend of one of our biological children, but as we've been on this life journey, we're starting to feel like this means through the miracle of adoption.
Why international adoption? Are American children not good enough for you?
We love America most of the time! However, the adoption game in the U.S. has become a bit of a rat race. Profiles, Videos, list of likes and dislikes, education requirements, and in the end its a social media contest. I think it's great the parents have the ability to be so selective in the process, but because of that the prettiest, the riches, the most educated, and the ones with videos where they sing and dance are often picked first. I don't know if you've ever heard me sing, but it's not pretty. The average wait for a domestic adoption, if you pursue with an agency, is over 4 years. We'd like to start our family a little sooner than that. We love the idea of international adoption though. I can't even really explain why. Have you ever done something that just feels right? This is one of those things. Sure, it is still a long and tiring process. It's full of waiting and paperwork, and its expensive! However, at this time, its the direction we're leaning.
See, we love America. All that's missing is apple pie!
What about the foster system?
The foster system is a great route for a lot of people. There are so many kids in need, and so many that could benefit from a good family. We live in the state of Arizona, were the foster system is notoriously bad. As a foster parent, you're entire goal is to reunite children with their biological parents. That means if a parent decides to visit once a year, the child is strung along in the foster system until they age out. I hate to say it, but I don't feel strong enough to play the games of the system. I couldn't handle the heartbreak. Overall, we decided it wouldn't be the best option for our family.
You just adopted a kitten, was this to fill your childless void?
Yes, and he's adorable. Next Question.
Arthas "The Lich King" Gifford
What countries are you looking at for adoption?
Currently we are looking into Poland and Hungary. However, the countries have already changed 3 dozen times since we started looking, so don't expect us to be married to these. We've landed on these two countries because the wait times are shorter, (around 12-24 months) and the children can be as young as 2. In addition, on Cory's mission to East Germany (Poland's neighbor) he fell in love with the eastern European people. I think he secretly just wants to flex those Germanic language skills.
As young as 2?! You don't want a real baby?
As much as we'd love an infant, we're alright with skipping the expensive baby stage this time. Yes, I know, all children are expensive. That doesn't mean I mind skipping all the baby swings and bottles.
Why haven't you started the process yet?
Well, it's a huge commitment. Not only are you bringing a new life into your home, you also have to consider the health issues an adoptive child can bring with them. Many children adopted from outside the country aren't classified as "healthy." Many of these countries have little to no prenatal care. Disabilities can be mild and correctable such as a learning disability or needed surgery that isn't available in their country, to something bigger such as fetal alcohol syndrome or Down Syndrome. We want to make sure we are 100% equipped to face anything that can be thrown at us. Plus, Cory is currently back in school and its taking a huge chunk of his time! Oh, and lets not forget the average cost is $30,000 to $40,000 dollars.
$30k-$40k? Are you secretly Mr. Monopoly stashing away a ton of money?
Sadly, I am not. Though sometimes I spend it like I am. There are a lot of options out there to help get the money. If we do decide to go this route, there are grants, fundraisers, and a tax credits. Don't forget, there is always the option of donations from friends and family (wink wink).
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