Application Received!

Got one of the best text messages ever earlier this week:

USCIS has received our application!! They also managed to mark it as received in only 1 week instead of of the estimated 2 weeks.  Next we wait for our letter with our biometric fingerprint appointments. That usually takes 4 weeks from this point to make it to us.  Then a few weeks following to actually attend the appointment. Maybe we can keep this trend of being a week ahead.

They're all such small steps, but i'm learning to celebrate every single little one.  Please make the next 4-6 weeks breeze by, and please let our referral for a child come quickly after!

Fedex is my new best friend!

I can't explain it, but for some reason 2018 has been the fasted, and the slowest moving year ever.  February was the longest month of my life, followed by march that I think was only one week long.  We still still feel like we spend most of our days in flux.  Trying not to make too many permanent plans for later in the year and being cautious about getting our hopes up and setting time lines, and wanting to make every plan and buy everything that we could for our future family.

This past week, we finally got the news we have been waiting for.  The Pinal county courts have approved our home study! We have spent months waiting for that little stamp on a piece of paper from a judge.  No kidding, it's just a stamp that said "Juvenile courts." We've had a completed home study since January, but now we have a home study that we can actually do something with!  The state has approved us to be adoptive parent's.  Our chance of finding our family will now be put in the hands of the Department of Homeland Security, and the children ministry of Hungary.

On Wednesday we drove into Phoenix to meet with our social worker and pick up our official notarized copies. She told us that the courts actually kicked back our home study twice before they even reviewed it.  She has been so great to work with, and even she didn't understands why every government agency has been against us in getting this finished.  From there, the first thing we did was google "Fedex" and went strait to send copies to to our placement agency so they can send them to be translated, and another copy to USCIS with our I-800a application to get that approval.

In typical google fashion it took us to the most random Fedex ever.  It was actually attached to the airport.  You drove all thew ay around to the shipping side of the airport, and were convinced we were in the wrong place. we timidly walked in, expected to be yelled at by someone official (it shared the same building with boarder patrol, it seemed so official.) only to find the nicest lady ever, and a mostly normal looking Fedex store.  We got everything packaged up, used the Delta shipping discount, and they were both overnighted.  It was the perfect location, because it saved us the travel time from a normal Fedex store to the airport, meaning we were able o overnight for even cheaper! I've never been more excited to hold sealed envelopes.

Both of our packages have already been received.  All of our documents should be getting scanned and sent to Hungary today to be translated, and we're waiting USCIS to generate our fingerprint appointments (for the 3rd time).  We are realistically 6 weeks away from being able to accept a referral for our child or children! We know there is no guarantee of when one will come, but just knowing we're ready for it when the time is right is a huge relief!

I Get By WIth A Little Help From My Friends.

Guys, February was rough.  Both Cory and I spend February in what seemed like a deep fog.  We ended January with the promise of a finished home study, only to find out about a week later that we were looking at mid march at the earliest to have it finished.  We were supposed to finished in November! This news sent me on a quick downward spiral.  A few days after that, out of no fault to any of them, I had four different Facebook friends announce their pregnancies on the same day.  It hit me like a ton of bricks.  For the first time in my life I didn't want to leave my own house.  I just wanted to sit there, with my cat, and cry.  The combination of the two things combined did something to me that I never expected to happen.  I actually felt depressed.

It is no ones fault, and I am happy for each of our friends that are getting to welcome new little ones into their home.  I think that was just the tipping point.  So much doubt started going through my head.  Are we doing the right thing? Should we have taken more chances with infertility care? Was this all a big mistake? I just kept spiraling further and further.  It brought me to a fact that I'm still struggling with today.  I am so excited for this adoption to take place, and i want my family so badly, but how do I deal with the fact that for my family to begin, someone else's has to end?

When we were doing our adoption training, one thing really stuck out to me.  When learning about grieving and loss, it talked about how all adoptions start with loss on all ends.  A birth mother losing their child, and child losing their birth family, and the loss of an adoptive family losing the chance of a biological child.  It tried to teach that because adoptions are often times born from loss, they can become something even more special.  I've been feeling this weight so heavy lately. I know somewhere out there a birth mother has or is making the ultimate sacrifice for their child and our family.  I'm just trying to learn how to not feel guilty about it.

As February moved on, it dragged.  We were teased later in the month that our home study was finished and we could finally pick it up.  We were so excited! I called our social worker the next day, only to find out that she jumped the gun and we still have to wait till hopefully mid march to have it in our hands and move on to the next step.  The world came crashing down all over again. 

Our Disneyland Annual Passes expired at the end of February, and that was not helping me my mood either! Thankfully we had made plans with friends to go one last time, our last time going without our children. The last time before everything changed.  The week leading up to it I found myself wanting to just sit at home and be sad. I didn't even have to desire to go to Disneyland.  That is an entirely new emotion for me.  It's my second home, my retreat, yet for some reason it seemed like so much work. I didn't feel emotionally capable of going.  I was so worried that I just wouldn't be able to handle seeing all the happy families on their Disney Vacations. None the less, you never pass up a Disney trip (especially one that's been paid for), and I'm sure glad I didn't!

I don't think I'll ever be able to thank our friends enough for that trip.  It was seriously the perfect trip.  I couldn't have asked for anything better.  It was so needed, and so appreciated.  I don't know if anyone knew how much we were struggling, but thanks to everyone's support I think we'll be ok. We were able to let lose, have fun, and actually talk about our adoption in a fun light again.  It made me hopeful of the day we can bring our kids to this place we love so much, and hopefully with the people that we love so much.



At one point we were walking around, and I don't even remember what we were doing or what we were talking about.  Without hesitating someone mentioned something about us coming back with our kids with their "Uncle Greg, Uncle Jason, and Uncle Ben."  I couldn't even tell you the context, and it's something no one else probably remembers, but it seriously meant so much to me. It made me hopeful and excited once again.  The fact that these people are excited right a long side with us, and are already accepting us as a family made my heart soar.  As it always is, it turned out to be the little moments that meant the most.  I didn't once look at another family and feel jealous or jaded (a common feeling for me lately).  I just felt happy for being in the place I love with people I love.

Days are still hard, but we've come home from our trip excited again.  We talk about the adoption and we daydream about what it will be like when we finally get to see the first pictures of our little one, something we haven't done in a while.  I'm back to excessively researching and constantly searching #internationaladoption on Instagram.  I'm once again excited for that day in mid march when we can close this portion of our adoption, and start the next. I'm dreaming of dropping our I-800A application in the mailbox, and dreaming even more of our final clearance and then the words "we have a match for you."

One step forward, three steps back.

It's amazing to think that we are already a month into 2018.  It has been a whirlwind of a month in the Gifford home.  We started this year with the mantra of "everything happens for a reason" and have been determined to stick with it, even though my patience is thin.  

All in all, we've already had quite the year.  We started January off with a trip to see our family in Utah, which ended with a fundraiser at Pizza Pie Café in Layton.  We can not thank everyone enough for all the support you gave us that night!  As we walked into the building at 5:30pm, I told Cory how afraid I was the no one was going to show up.  As luck would have it, people had already beaten us there!  There were so many people who showed up that night, later in the week, or just reached out to us letting us know they wished they could be there. So many took time out of their busy lives to come see us and tell us you're behind us. People we hadn't seen in years took the time out of their day, and it means so much to us. 

We sadly didn't remember to take picture till the end of the night, so this doesn't even represent 1/4 of the people that were there! 

The following week we were able to do a fundraiser at our local Someburro's here in Queen Creek, AZ.  As worried as I was about the Utah fundraiser, this one I was sure no one would attend.  We're still new here and feel like we know no one.  Once again I was amazed at the friends, family, and co-workers that showed up just to show us their support.  Just as the other one, people we hadn't seen in years were there to have a burrito and help us start our family.

Between the two fundraisers, we were able to raise enough to cover the last part we needed of our next set of fees.  I know I've said thank you a million times, but truly, thank you. We appreciate and need your support more than I think anyone who hasn't done this can understand. This has been a harder and lonelier process than we every could have imagined.  Our lives are in the hands of unseen faces.  We're waiting for people we've never met to decide if we're fit parents, to decided if we're worthy, and just take the time to put a stamp on a piece of paper.

We were told we would have a finished home study by the end of November, and here we are, February 12th with still no home study.  We finally were told it was finished in mid January, only to find out we were missing a few documents.  Since I had paid taxes in California in 2010 (My one semester doing the Disney College Program) and Georgia taxes in 2014 (2 months living in an airport Marriott for Delta training) we have to go back and submit child abuse clearances for those two states.  Each of those can take up to 6 weeks.  From there, we still need our national immigration clearance which takes between 4-8 weeks, but an average of six.  Our hope of being all finished with our adoption by the end of this year seems further and further away.  It has been heartbreaking.

Everyday we just remind ourselves "everything happens for a reason."  We are still so far away from meeting our financial goals, and currently don't even have enough money to finish the adoption.  As painful as each day without change is, it gives us more time to save and prepare for the child or children coming into our home.  We often feel out of control and in a life that just refuses to move with us.  What a test of patience this is becoming, and I feel like we haven't even gotten to the hard parts.  Some day's I feel like The Little Engine that Could; "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.... not lose my patents and beat up government agencies." At least I think that's how the story goes, I'm just paraphrasing here.

Last Man Standing

This week one of the most wonderful things in the world happened. My best friend, sister in the battle of infertility, and creator of the blog Utahn Gone Texan gave birth to the most beautiful baby boy in the entire world! He is their perfect little rainbow baby, and is already so loved over here, even though we haven't met him.

Oliver Bryon Myers will be a force to be reckoned with.  I have no doubt in my mind that Marissa and Cody will be the perfect parents.  I am so excited to see the amazing things that this family will do together.  Don't worry, I'm already planning his first trip to Wizarding World of Harry Potter.  I'm pretty sure he'll be a Hufflepuff, just like his Aunt Leah.  

Even more I wanted to share this not because I'm beaming just as much as the proud parents, but if you've been brought here because of you struggle with infertility, I highly suggest you take a look at Marissa's blog.  Cody and Marissa are two of the strongest people I know.  After two ectopic pregnancies, emergency surgery, and struggling to get pregnant again, I've watched them come out the other side humbled, smarter, and so strong together. Their story is one of determination and love, and I can only see even more adventures and exciting things coming from their family and Marissa's blog!

With the birth of Oliver, came the realization for me that I'm what I like to call "The last man standing."  Out of my female friends that I talk to on a weekly basis, I'm the last one that isn't a mom.  When I first realized it, it was a little hard.  A lot of times I feel like it's my fault.  I knew about my possible infertility struggles since I was 18 and was diagnosed with celiac disease.  I've spent most of my time covering up my fear with "I never want kid."  Even for the first couple years of our marriage I was adamant that kids probably weren't for me.  As I got older, and Cory was ready to be a dad, my story changed to "I'm not ready, next year." Sometimes I wonder if we would have started infertility care sooner, or I would have been less guarded about really wanted to have a family, would be here today?  Life is full of what if's, and some days it's hard not to dwell on them.   Honestly, I think yes.  I can in no way regret so many of the adventures Cory and I have been able to embark on together.  It's hard to live with the misplaced guilt a lot of days, but I truly believe we are doing what we are meant to do.  This is the way our family is meant to start.  This is gods plan for us.  I just have to remember that in hopefully less than a year, baby Oliver will gain a very best friend!

For now, we focus on remembering that there is joy in our wait.  We're in a period of waiting on translators, government agencies, and social workers.  Things are currently out of our hands.  So we will enjoy all of our friends perfect babies, and drool over the pictures of Oliver's fat rolls.  Bring me your babies and children and let me love them forever! I'm already ready to force them to be Lil' Giff's best friend.

Treat Yo Self!

Last week was October 13th, so we all know what that means. It's time to...

If you aren't familiar with the comedic masterpiece that is Parks and Rec, there is no time like the present.  Sit on the couch and binge away.  Then next year, you too can treat yo self.

In honor of the beloved holiday, we decided to treat ourselves by completing our finally home study visit!  We are officially done with things that we have to do for our home study.  All we are doing now is waiting for our social worker to finish writing it, and then we are in the dossier and government clearance phase.

This visit was nice and simple, a whole lot less stressful than the last!  Since our home inspection had been completed the visit before, this was just to talk and interview us, I was able to clean to house in my usually way.  Stuff everything behind a closed door somewhere, and make sure the 10 square feet where we were actually sitting in looks spotless.  We were first interviewed together, and then we each had individual interviews, and then we had another interview together.  The entire visit took almost 4 hours, but everything went smoothly.

When I would read things about home study processes, everyone warned that you'd be putting everything on the table.  They weren't kidding.  Before this interview, I thought we had escaped talking about obscure and past stuff, but I was wrong.  If you are related to us, have no fear, you are probably in our home study somewhere.  We had to go through everything from mental health issues, to drug and alcohol consumption, to people we love that aren't related, and those who will be in contact with our child.  All of these things had to be listed all the way back into our aunts, uncles and cousins.  If you ever decide to do a home study, and you come from a big family like we do, start taking notes now! We also had to individually talk about our experiences growing up.  How our parents disciplined us, celebrated us, and taught us.  We had to go over how our views align differently from our parents, and what we want to do differently with our children.  Nothing is harder than trying to explain to someone how you're going to raise and parent your children, when you feel like you know absolutely nothing about being a parent and have never done anything like it before. Though I'm sure all knew parents feel this way!

Believe it or not, one of the hardest questions we were asked was "What do you love about your partner."  It should be simple questions, but we both just stumbled a little.  Cory and I have been together over 8 years, and usually when asked I just say "everything" or if I'm feeling sassy "he pays my bills" but that wouldn't cut it in this case. We tell each other we love each other all the time, and I have no doubt in my mind that he loves me, but having to pick out individual things catches you off guard.  Even harder was having to say these things directly to his face and in front of someone who is essentially a stranger. Once you're out of the wedding and honeymoon stage, life moves on.  You still love each other, but gone are the days of writing vows and explaining to all your friends why your partner is the best person in the world.  It was nice to have to take that time to stop and remember all the things we really do love about each other, for better or for worse.  Above all, I love that I married my best friend.  There are very few people I can be 100% myself with, and he accepts my weird off key singing, excessive number of high kicks, and love of puns.  So I challenge all of you who are married, or in relationships new or old, to force you and your partner to tell each other how much you love them. Even if it means tying them to a chair until they talk.  Not that it's what we had to do or anything.

We are in the finally few months of our adoption journey that require us to "do something."  Once our home study is completed, we can submit for our I-800a which is "application for determined suitability to adopt a child from an international country" which can take a couple months for the government agency to complete.  In the meantime we'll be working on our dossier.  Our dossier includes everything about us.  It's our home study, our reference letters, our income, everything.  Once we have approval through our 1-800a our dossier gets sent to Hungary, translated, and approved.  From there we just have to wait to be matched with our sweet child or children!  It's a slow process, but getting closer and closer everyday.  We can't wait.

When Social Workers Come Calling.

This week has been stressful and irritating, but filled with a huge milestone in our adoption journey!  This week we had our home inspection visit as part of a home study.  A big part of the home inspection is baby proofing your house for a baby that probably wont be there in a year and will probably come as a 4 year old. Here is a list of some typical things we were told would be checked in a home inspection:

• Working smoke detectors on every floor and near child's room
• Covered kitchen trash.
• Evacuation floor plan and emergency contacts visible. 
• Covered outlets
• Medications and vitamins in locked cabinets.
• All cleaning products in locked cabinets, or placed at least 5 feet up
• All soaps, lotions, and shampoos over 5 ounces must be locked up, or placed at least 5 feet up. 
• First aid kit and fire extinguisher easily available
• House clean and free of mold or harmful bacteria. 
• All blind cords and cables wrapped and hanging no more than one foot. 

This is just a small sampling.  It's pretty safe to say that I've been a nervous wreck since the date was set.  We know it was coming, but it didn't get real until we had the date on the calendar.  Lucky for us we live in a newer one story home and don't have a pool. That took out a lot of the others things we would have had to stress about.  I have to give a huge thank you to my mom and sister.  Not only did they help me obsessively decorate (yeah, probably not the best time to do that.) They spent so much of their own time cleaning and making sure my house was safe. I couldn't have done it without them.  

The only other time our home has been this clean, is when we first moved in and it had no furniture in it. 

The day finally came for her to come.  I was still walking around finding things to clean.  I Vacuumed the floors 3 times and started picking up individual cat hairs off of things. I was ready. The visit went really smoothly.  Our cats were even well behaved enough she thought we only had one.  You should have seen her face when we told here there were actually three running around here! It was mostly interviews and a little home tour.  The entire visit took about 2 hours, and we passed. Here are a few tips to help you if you every decide you want to be insane and complete a home study too. 

1. Know where your family lives, where they work, and what their job title is.
• We didn't expect this one.  It sounds simple, but we truely didn't know the job titles or actually locations for work of some of our siblings.  Facebook to the rescue! 
2. Have a snack prepared.
• Our social worker didn't have any of my purchased with love cookies (even gluten free ones!) but Cory and I did.  We had been such obsessive wrecks, we had essentailly starved ourselves. It was nice to have a little something to fill our nervous stomachs
3. Use quirky decor. 



Who wouldn't obsess over these? They're adorable. 

• Maybe this isn't a real tip, but one of the first things she said when she walked in was "Wow, you guys really like Disney." Followed by a "Me too!!"  She then spent a good 10 minutes obsessing over these Disney are postcards my sister helped me put onto canvases. She was even trying to convince us we should sell them for a fundraiser.  Sure, it's not essential to the process, but it was a fun distraction.
4. Don't obsess over showing them all the work you've put in.  
• Our home tour and walk through took literally 5 minutes of the entire visit.  She walked into each room, asked what we used it for, and moved on to the next.  As much as I wanted to follow behind shouting "shake that bookcase, feel how stable!" and "Just try and find the chemicals in the room!" I didn't do it.  Did i feel a little cheated for all the hard work we did, of course.  In the end was it a relief because we were actually short one blind cord wind and I just hoped she wouldn't notice? Of course it was!
5. Relax
• They want to help put children in good homes. They aren't there to stop you, but to help you.  I was so worried about failing our first one, and in reality we just needed to have a few things around the house done. Most of the meeting was just getting to know us more.  So remember to stay calm, and remember, your social worker is on your team!

Now that it's all over, i'm thinking "this isn't too bad." though I definitely wouldn't want to do this again in the near future! We have one more visit scheduled for next week, and we'll be done with our home study.   Despite all of the stress, our social worker left us with great news.  Our home inspection has passed, and we have been approved to bring 1-2 children, between the ages of 0-7 into our home! Just to know that we have taken another huge step in the process makes all the work worth it.  We're hoping for a child that's more toddler age, but now we've been approved to accept a sibling group.  Some days I can barely imagine bringing one child into our home, but the thought of possibly two has me all kinds of excited.  To get to start our own family, while still keeping another together seems like such a beautiful prospect.  In the end, whomever and however many children we get, I know they will be the ones that are perfect for our family!  

Welcome to Our Adventure!

Well, the cat is officially out of the bag.  We couldn't hold it in any longer, and it was time to share.  We figured since we had officially been accepted, there was no time like the present!

A huge thank you to my sister for making this photo happen.  I had jumble of ideas for announcements, and she just saw through my madness and put this together.  She even took the picture for us!

I'm sure a lot of you who are just joining us have a lot of questions. If you go back to one of my first posts, there is a little Q&A, though i'm going to answer a few more.  I love getting to talk about this adoption.  We are so excited to start our family, and the more we get to talk about it, the more real it feels.

Here are just a few basic questions, that I would be asking if I were you:

Why international adoption?

When we first starting considering adoption, we put everything out and decided what fit best with our family.  We are very lucky to have the means to adopt internationally. No, we don't have tons of money, but we do have very supportive jobs that are willing to give us the time off needed for the lengthy amount of time you need to be gone in international adoption. In addition, working for a major airlines has its perks.  We're lucky that part of my benefit package includes positive space travel for all adoption needs.

Why Hungary?

We kind of did the same thing as above.  Once we had settled on international, we looked at all the countries, and found out we didn't even qualify for most of them.  You'd be surprised how picky they can be! For example, we weren't eligible for China, because i'm under 30, most other Asian and South American countries wouldn't accept us because Cory takes anti-depressants, I didn't personally agree with some of the ethics of adoption from Ukraine, and Uganda has wait times of over 4 years.  There are so many other countries out there, that i'm not even mentioning! Eventually we had it narrowed down to India, Poland, and Hungary.  We knew we wanted a younger child, and we knew we wanted a child with "corrective or minor disabilities."  This was a big factor in narrowing it down to these countries.  In the end, we turned to prayer and endless research.  We learned most children adopted from Hungary are of Romani Descent.  If you aren't familiar with the Romani people or the struggles, I highly suggest looking it up.  This did play a factor in our decision.  Another one of the big factors was that the country requires an extended bonding period.  You are required to spend at least 30 days with the custody of your child, until the adoption can be finalized.  We loved the idea of getting an entire month of nothing but bonding and learning about each other.  Most families never get an uninterrupted opportunity like that!

Baby or Child? Boy or Girl?

Adopting internationally means the opportunity to have a baby isn't realistic.  The Hague Convention, put in place by the united nations in 2014 greatly regulated the way adoptions are run around the world.  It's a great program that helps to fight child trafficking and unethical adoptions.  Because of this, for a child to be adopted internationally, all reasonable resources must be taken to have the child adopted in country. Children under one year are never eligible, and children under 24 months are rare.  We are open to any child, or sibling groups under the age of 4. As for as gender, we have no preference as long as they get to become ours. Though from Hungary, over 85% of the adoptions are of boys. 

How long will it take? 

We really have no idea how long it'll take, but for now our guess is around a year.  We are announcing it early, because we need all the love and support we can get.  We're still in the beginning, and it's been full of highs and lows.  We love getting to include our friends and family in the planning and everyday of the adoption process.  Plus, if our little blog helps even one person trying to make the same decisions some day, it has been a success. 

What comes next?

Our current tasks are to finish up on our home study, and getting our dossier prepared to be sent to Hungary for translation. In the mean time, we will be doing tons of fundraising and applying for grants. (The total cost of international adoptions is around $40,000, which sadly we don't have) If anyone has great fundraiser ideas, feel free to let us know!  Once our dossier is submitted and accepted, its between a 2-24+ month waiting period for a referral. Since we are both young and have no other children, we're hoping our referral period will be no more than a year.  Once we have a referral, and we have accepted it, we have about a month until we travel.  from there we will spend just under 2 months in Hungary, and then we head back home.  Once we step into the U.S. as a family of 3 (or maybe even 4) our entire family will be U.S. Citizens. 

If you every have any questions about our adoption process, what we've struggled with, and what led us to our decisions, feel free to drop them in the comments or sent them to us privately.  Like I said, we love to talk about it and want you all included in our story.  Just like the old saying, says "It takes a village!" 

On Your Mark, Get Set, Paperwork!

It's happening, and it's real.  We are officially in the Home Study phase!

We had our first meeting with our home study agency last Thursday.  Though the meeting almost didn't happen. I always thought the concept of "If you're doing something right, it'll always be hard" was a joke.  Why would something right be hard? Well, This must be the most right thing we've ever done! We had gotten over the problem of choosing domestic or international, and decided on a country through trial and error, and found a country that will let us adopt with depression, we thought it would be smooth sailing.  It turns out my job had other ideas.  

Now, you know we live in Phoenix, but what's fun is I actually work out of Salt Lake City.  The airline I work for doesn't have a base in my state.  Luckily this job does come with some great benefits and the ability to commute across the country if you need to.  It's all done on our own time, and it's our responsibility to have a place to stay in the base, and get there on time.  So next time you complain about your 40 mile commute, remember mine is 670 miles.

Of course our meeting was scheduled for the day after I got done working.  Usually, no big deal.  Oh no, this time it was different.  My trip ended up changing, and I ended up getting done too late to catch a flight home. I was a complete mess.  Thank goodness for an amazing crew who kept the trip fun, calm, and helped me see that it wasn't all hopeless. After a night in the airport, I luckily was able to catch a very early morning flight home on another airline.  I landed just in time to drive the hour home and pick Cory up, then head right back to the adoption agency.  Turns out the agency was right next to the airport!

Meeting with our social worker for the first time was great.  She was calm, focused, and laid everything out for us.  She went over the home study process, and made sure we knew all of our options.  We once again discussed the prospects of switching to infant domestic adoption, and she was a great resource for finding out how it really works.  We still feel very strongly about going internationally even though it costs us more, and means we will adopt a toddler instead of and infant. It felt good to talk it all out with someone that didn't know us, or what we've been over so far. Now we are getting down to business, and there is a lot of work ahead of us. The first step in all of this is a ridiculous amount of paperwork! I was expecting it, and I knew it was comings, so I had my binders and dividers ready to go!

I never thought i'd be so proud of a binder.  I am not the most organized person, and this little book is my pride and joy!  Now we are in the process of getting our fingerprint and FBI clearance, filling out monster amounts of paperwork, and getting our certifications of health.  I was mentally prepared for all of the paperwork, but I was not prepared for what was actually required in the paperwork.  In addition to the regular financial, work, and basic lifestyle questions, we have some other fun ones to answer.  Here is a sample of some of the harder ones:

• What age of your childhood did you like most, and why?
• Growing up, how did members of your family show happiness/love/frustration/stress/etc.
• What was the main reason you married your partner?
• what would you most like to change about your partner? what would they most like to change about you?
• How important will grades and school performance be for the children in your home?
• How do you handle privacy and nudity in your home?
• How will you discipline you children?
• What do you think will be your least favorite part of parenting?

The questions just go on, and on, and on, from there.  Some of the ones that are hardest to answer, are all about being a parent.  It's hard to imagine how you'll parent when you've never been faced with it before! For now, we do a lot of googling, and a lot of asking our families what they would do in a situation. 

Our current task is to get this all finished, and in about a week we will apply to our placement agency to start our dossier and USCIS approval! We're estimating about 3 months to finish our home study, and once that's done less than a year until we have a referral for a child! It's still a long ways away, but getting closer with ever piece of paper we fill out!

Wish us luck, and please send help if we drown under all this paperwork. 

The House That Was Never Built.

It's been almost a year since Cory and I moved to Arizona.  It has been a fun and exciting year. We've had our ups, and our downs. We miss our friends and family back in Utah so badly it hurts some days. However, I wouldn't trade our move for anything in the world.  It's allowed us to grow closer as a couple and be able to more clearly see what we want for our future.  Do you want to know my favorite part though? We get to live just down the road from my sister Angela, her family, and my parents!  My sister and i have always been close, despite there being a 15 year age gap.  Her husband was in the military for the majority of their marriage, and because of that, I very rarely got to see them, or their six kids.  Now getting to live close to them is one of the best things in my life. They're a huge support, and some of our biggest cheerleaders!

Here are some of our adventures so far:

                                        

              This little family of mine, I'm going to let them shine!

When we first moved here, we decided we wanted to live close, but not too close (my parents and sister live in the same circle!). We also knew, if we moved a little farther down the main road, it'd put us about 15 minutes closer to Cory's work.  So, we went about 15 minutes away and bought this perfect one story home.  3 bedrooms, 2 baths, perfect for our hopefully future family.  We were ecstatic.  We had just sold our old home in Utah. When i say old, I mean literally. We put our heart and souls into fixing up that house. It was bittersweet leaving it because we knew it wasn't the house we were meant to stay in forever but so much of our blood, sweat, and tears were in it. 

The happiness of know there was nothing to fix right away!

Now, what most of you don't know, is as much as we love our home, we wished we would have been closer to my family.  A few months ago they opened some new construction lots just across from my parents circle.  Angela and I look at just about every home in the area, it's like a hobby. So it was no surprise when we went in and looked at these.  What was a surprising is some how Cory ended up in there with me the next day, with a contract on a home and me enrolled in real estate school!  We went through and had every upgrade we'd ever want put it. We were excited, my family was excited, I think Bert was even excited!

Flash forward a couple of weeks. The new home had been trenched, I had only one last test to get my real estate license, and we were pre-planning our furniture layouts and decorations.  We're sitting in Olive Garden, enjoying a free meal thanks to a gift card, and Cory says "I think we should start looking into adoption."  Little did he know Angela and I had already been researching adoption for a few weeks.  Everything from domestic, to foster care, to adoptions from Bulgaria and China. We spent the meal in our booth discussing the information I'd found, and realizing it was actually realistic at some time in the future.  Just a few days after the "Olive Garden meal that will go down in history."  We get an email form the lender of our new home.  To our surprise, thanks to my 6th grade math level and a rise in interest rates, we were spending about $300 a month more than we were planning to.  We were shocked, and starting finding a way to afford it.  Yet, one of the first thoughts we both had was "Well, if you don't move, that's 6 months sooner we could start the adoption process."  We let it sit for a while, seeing if there was a way we could have our cake and eat it too. In the end, we had decided the $500+ we would be spending extra a month would be better spend on our future family. For now, we'll stay 15 minutes away from my family, and an extra 15 minutes farther away from target.  I'm still working through which one is sadder.

Watch out, i'm about to get a little spiritual on you. 

Cory has always been a huge believer in, "if it's meant to happen, it'll happen."  I've always struggled with this a little more. I'm more of a doer.  However, in this case, I think that's exactly what it was.  I think there were reasons we jumped the gun on a new house.  Yes, we will lose our $500 of earnest money, but in the grand scope of things, that doesn't seem like too much.  What it did give us, is my second career.  When we started talking about adoption, the biggest problem was the cost.  We're hoping I can find a good broker, and become a real estate agent while balancing my flight attendant career.  If I can manage it, 100% of the funds made from real estate can go towards our adoption.  I truly believe going into there, going to school, and the timing was all part of gods plan.  It was always a small comfort when talking about adoption that he was a chance of back up funds from real estate. Even though I'm not quite to having my license, just know there is a chance of the extra income is so comforting. I still can't explain it, but for one of the first time in our lives, it feel like we're on the right track. Like we're moving in the right direction.  Maybe the reason we haven't been able to have kids on our own is because we already have kids out in the world, we just don't know yet that they're supposed to be part of our family. All we need to do is find him/her or them to make our family complete. 

Oh, and if you know anyone needing to buy or sell a home in Arizona, I'm your girl!

And that's the story about how we almost bought a new house!

Questions No One Has Asked, But I Bet You're Curious.

This is currently an unknown blog, and i'm selfishly using it more for myself than for anyone else. However, if you stumbled on this despite my terrible tags, Welcome! If we know you and still found this, nothing is official and there is nothing newsworthy to share. If there were, you'd know about it! However, i'm hoping one day this blog may be of use to someone, or to at least myself.
Here are a handful of questions no one has actually asked, but I bet they're curious about:

Why are you doing this if you aren't ready to share it?

I've been knee deep in reading adoption blogs lately.  It's something we're very much considering, and I love reading other peoples journeys.  Every single blog you read starts with people putting in their papers for adoption.  What I want to know is what lead them to it. The trial and rewards that come with making such huge life changing decisions.  Did people decide to do it because of infertility, or because they felt it was right? How did they pick the country? Was it hard to actually press the "go" button?  All of these questions that we're currently working through.  You know the saying, "misery loves company?" Well in this case the confused love to know that others are confused too. I'm hoping one day, if someone else is in the same spot and they are into excessively googling like me, this little blog could be helpful to them.  We aren't currently shouting it from the rooftops, because things AREN'T official.  We don't know what way we're going, and we don't want to get anyone's hopes up.

What are your Infertility Problems?

Oh, so you want to jump strait into things? wait, i'm the one asking these questions. 

We don't really know what the problem is.  We went two years of "not trying, but not stopping," a year of "lets get down to business," followed by a confused doctor, a full hysteroscopy d&c, and the conclusion "lets put you on birth control for a year to see if it balances your system out."  We've now been scientifically trying for almost another year, and still nothing.  I do have Celiac Disease, which according to Celiac.org it is:

Celiac disease is a serious autoimmune disorder that can occur in genetically predisposed people where the ingestion of gluten leads to damage in the small intestine. It is estimated to affect 1 in 100 people worldwide. Two and one-half million Americans are undiagnosed and are at risk for long-term health complications.

I was diagnosed at 18, and because of this spent most of my life unable to gain nutrition from food, and severely malnourished. at the time of my diagnosis, I was 5'10" and under 105 lbs.  Essentially my doctor has said that when you don't get the proper nutrition, especially when going through maturity, your reproductive system often doesn't form properly.  Although you can seem completely healthy on test after test, your body just doesn't work right.

Why adoption before exhausting all your infertility resources?

Well, first things first, infertility care is expensive. My insurance will cover nothing until i'm at least 35.  If we do peruse the adoption route, we are in no way giving up on having biological children.  There seems to be this stigma that going to adoption means the end of trying.  For us, that's not the case.  We are ready to be parents and welcome a child into our home.  Infertility care can takes years and years before it even works. We'd rather move that timeline up, and help a child in need in the process. 

In addition Cory had a unique growing up experience. He spend a lot of time at friends houses, and thanks to a lot of loving families, even lived with them for a good part of his teenage and young adult years. From the time we started dating, he would warn me, "one day I know we'll take someone else's child into our home." We always just assumed this meant a friend of one of our biological children, but as we've been on this life journey, we're starting to feel like this means through the miracle of adoption.

Why international adoption? Are American children not good enough for you?

We love America most of the time! However, the adoption game in the U.S. has become a bit of a rat race. Profiles, Videos, list of likes and dislikes, education requirements, and in the end its a social media contest.  I think it's great the parents have the ability to be so selective in the process, but because of that the prettiest, the riches, the most educated, and the ones with videos where they sing and dance are often picked first. I don't know if you've ever heard me sing, but it's not pretty.  The average wait for a domestic adoption, if you pursue with an agency, is over 4 years.  We'd like to start our family a little sooner than that. We love the idea of international adoption though. I can't even really explain why. Have you ever done something that just feels right? This is one of those things. Sure, it is still a long and tiring process. It's full of waiting and paperwork, and its expensive! However, at this time, its the direction we're leaning.

See, we love America.  All that's missing is apple pie!

What about the foster system?

The foster system is a great route for a lot of people.  There are so many kids in need, and so many that could benefit from a good family.  We live in the state of Arizona, were the foster system is notoriously bad. As a foster parent, you're entire goal is to reunite children with their biological parents.  That means if a parent decides to visit once a year, the child is strung along in the foster system until they age out.  I hate to say it, but I don't feel strong enough to play the games of the system. I couldn't handle the heartbreak. Overall, we decided it wouldn't be the best option for our family. 

You just adopted a kitten, was this to fill your childless void?

Yes, and he's adorable. Next Question.

Arthas "The Lich King" Gifford

What countries are you looking at for adoption?

Currently we are looking into Poland and Hungary.  However, the countries have already changed 3 dozen times since we started looking, so don't expect us to be married to these. We've landed on these two countries because the wait times are shorter, (around 12-24 months) and the children can be as young as 2. In addition, on Cory's mission to East Germany (Poland's neighbor) he fell in love with the eastern European people.  I think he secretly just wants to flex those Germanic language skills. 

As young as 2?! You don't want a real baby?

As much as we'd love an infant, we're alright with skipping the expensive baby stage this time.  Yes, I know, all children are expensive. That doesn't mean I mind skipping all the baby swings and bottles. 

Why haven't you started the process yet?

Well, it's a huge commitment.  Not only are you bringing a new life into your home, you also have to consider the health issues an adoptive child can bring with them.  Many children adopted from outside the country aren't classified as "healthy." Many of these countries have little to no prenatal care. Disabilities can be mild and correctable such as a learning disability or needed surgery that isn't available in their country, to something bigger such as fetal alcohol syndrome or Down Syndrome. We want to make sure we are 100% equipped to face anything that can be thrown at us. Plus, Cory is currently back in school and its taking a huge chunk of his time! Oh, and lets not forget the average cost is $30,000 to $40,000 dollars. 

$30k-$40k? Are you secretly Mr. Monopoly stashing away a ton of money?

Sadly, I am not. Though sometimes I spend it like I am.  There are a lot of options out there to help get the money.  If we do decide to go this route, there are grants, fundraisers, and a tax credits. Don't forget, there is always the option of donations from friends and family (wink wink). 

These are just a few of the questions that I have been bracing myself to answer.  If you have any other questions, or have been through the process yourself and have any tips or tricks, feel free to leave them in the comments or get in touch with me. I'm always willing to talk about it. I feel like my life is revolving around googling adoption agencies and reading blogs. I'm in too deep. Send Help. 

Meet the Giff's!

This is our journey to "fill the middle seat," metaphorically and literally! Our story of starting a family. All the trials, setbacks, and endless paperwork that may come from it.  You may ask, why is this titled "Filling the Middle Seat?"  Well, travel is a huge part of our lives. Not only do we love to do it, but as a flight attendant for a major airline, traveling is literally my job! We are tired of arguing over who gets to sit in the middle when we go on our adventures. The best solution, add someone young and impressionable to persuade into the middle seat!

A little about us:

Coordinating shirts and Disneyland in the spring. Two of my favorite things!

I'm Leah, and this is my husband Cory. Together we are the Giff's!  We're both from Utah, but are currently living in middle of nowhere Arizona.  We are Disneyland Annual Passholders, comic book enthusiast, video game addicts, board game connoisseurs, and Harry Potter experts. We're what people would usually refer to as "Nerds".

Our pilgrimage to the Wizard World of Harry Potter. 

We're currently a family of 6. Myself and Cory, as well as our dog Bert and our 3 cats: Chloe, Bandit, and Arthas.  As much as we love our pets, we'd love for our family to grow by one more. Preferably one with less fur, and the ability to walk on two legs!

The infamous Bert the Flirt.  

You may ask, why start a blog about starting a family? People do it everyday, what makes you special!?  In truth, nothing makes us special.  We've struggles with the same thing that millions of people before us have.  We've been married for 7 years, and a few years ago decided time was creeping up on us, and we should consider the future. Through periods of trying, then not trying, then trying, then test, and procedures, we were smacked in the face with infertility.  We haven't exercised all our possible infertility options, but with little insurance support, and lots of praying, we have been looking into the process of adoption. This is our story. Start to finish, beginning to end. No promises of an outcome, and no decisions made. Follow along if your ready for a road of indecisiveness and way more than you needed to know!